When "The Nile" Is Not A River

The Nile is New Zealand's coolest online bookstore. I love it because they sell my books... and the good news for you is that you can get them cheaper there than directly from me. How is that for crazy?

It's December already...

... where did the first 11 months of 2010 go?

I can guess where. A large portion was spent on making school lunches, being mom-taxi, supervising homework, playing the same old boring Snakes&Ladders, watching school sports, making beds, tidying up toys, hanging tiny t-shirts out to dry in the sun. Those hours, I don't regret, even if they blend in my mind into a stream of mind-numbing beige-ness.

Another large portion was sold to various people who kindly paid for my written words about topics I wasn't necessarily all that interested in. Those hours, I consider a necessary distraction.

A small portion was squandered on watching The Big Bang theory, Eureka, LOST and 5 seasons of "How I met your mother". Fun and relaxing, but ultimately a waste of the precious time we have here on earth. This message struck home after the Pike River Mine disaster.

Lessons learnt? Enjoy family time more, enjoy TV less. Write more books and fewer blogs. Send fewer emails and see more friends.

Now, for the implementation....

Pike River Mine Disaster

Flags are flying at half mast in New Zealand today as the nation reels from the tragedy in the Pike River Coal Mine, which claimed the lives of 29 men.

Yvonne Walus on Crime Watch!

...

What is one thing that visitors to your hometown should do, that isn't in the tourist brochures, or perhaps they wouldn’t initially consider?
Define my hometown. If it's where I live, and it's North Shore City (not Super City), they should sit on a bench at the Tui Park beach in Beach Haven, look at the water and listen to the silence. My original hometown is Warsaw, Poland, and there I would invite the visitors to take the first mode of transport out of the city and head south until you hit a tiny spot called Wieliczka, where you go underground to tour a salt mine.

...

Read more here.

Despicable Me

What is it about animated children's movies that makes them so accessible to parents? I mean, if you look at my favourite movies of the year, you'll notice a pattern:

• 2001, Shrek
• 2002, Ice Age
• 2004, Shrek 2
• 2005, a tie between Madagascar and Hoodwinked
• 2006, Ice Age 2
• 2008, Kung Fu Panda
• 2009, Up (with Avatar a close second)
• 2010, a tie between How To Train Your Dragon and Inception
• and I'm really hoping to put up Kung Fu Panda 2 for 2011.

We can debate all we like whether it's mommy-brain or parent-sensitivity that's to blame, or whether it's the simple fact that more thought and creativity goes into animated movies in order to recoup the budget. The point remains: "Despicable Me" was one of the better movies I saw this year.

From an adult perspective, the plot was a tad too pat and predictable (Annie meet The Two Who Stole The Moon), but it had enough quirkiness and humour to make for an enjoyable hour and a bit in Gold Class. My own 8-year old female found it funny and touching. From my 6-year old male's perspective, the best part was when the yellow animals made photocopies of their naked bums. And on that expert note....

Heroines We Like To Read

Who is your favourite heroine? Scarlett O'Hara, Stephanie Plum, Bridget Jones? Do you admire the feisty and the sassy, or the girl next door with a scratch card addiction?

In my search for a heroine I love to read (and write!), I turned to Jane Porter books, who allegedly writes intelligent heroines with a great sense of humour. I didn't get past the Amazon reviews. For every 20 or so 5-star reviews, there would be a not-so-good-one calling the heroine whiny, spoiled and irritating.

Linda Howard's heroines vary from the kick-ass female butler in "Dying to Please" to the bad-tempered shallow crybaby in "Mr Perfect".

It was a great loss to the book world when Madeleine Wickham became Sophie Kinsella. Madeleine wrote memorable heroines, quirky and often flawed as human beings yet perfect as book characters and always immensely likable. Sophie's heroines are larger than life but extremely mediocre: after all, there are only so many seconds in a year that I spend thinking about shoes.

A plea to Lee Child

Dear Lee Child

You're an awesome writer. From a wannabe potentially envious colleague that should count for something, so let me repeat it: you're an awesome writer. Your main character is quirky and fun, your plots rock, your style rolls.

For those who don't know your work, let me give an example.

Blurb for Lee Child's "Gone Tomorrow":

When Jack Reacher witnesses a suicide on a Manhattan subway, he knows that there is more than meets the eye. Soon he's in deep, trying to unearth a dark secret for which both the feds and Al-Queda are willing to kill to keep from being revealed. Even in a city of eight million, a lone wolf like Reacher tends to stand out, and before long he is being hunted from all sides—which is exactly what Reacher wants.

See what I mean? Your books are page-turners, and would remain page-turners even if you were to remove the excessively horrific bits you inject into your novels. Trust me. You don't need them.

Keep the fight scenes if you will, let the blood flow in graphic detail. The war atrocities, though... please leave them to the reader's imagination.

Sincerely

A would-be fan