Having Sex With Mark Billingham

(For those of you who remember a similar topic, I invite you to re-read my post "Mark Billingham: Crime fiction is better than sex".)

I've been on a Mark Billingham binge, catching up on the books I once considered too dark, like LIFELESS and FROM THE DEAD. Alas, that was before Dexter and Tess Gerritsen desensitised me enough to look past the violence straight into the brilliant writing beneath.

'Cause Mark's writing is brilliant. Truly. His sense of timing always impeccable, his dialogue super-smart, the cadence of the language so beautiful on the ear it makes you want to get to know the author up close and personal (ok, for some women, big biceps do it, but I'm more of a words girl).

So no mystery, really, as to why I've been reading Mark's books while wondering what it would be like to have sex with him. Purely academically, you understand. If Mark, like most authors out there, puts a lot of himself into him main character, then the question really becomes, what would it be like to have sex with Tom Thorne.

Thorne is a miserable guy. Forever torn by grief and guilt, bottling his emotions, heaps more interested in the current crime investigation than a porn flick. He's certainly a challenge, a tiger begging to be tamed, a project. Does he have Mark's sense of humour, though? I could overlook the beer breath and the curry sweat, in exchange for that perfect throw-away phrase delivered with that perfect Mark timing....